2011/03/06

其实...我知道

其实 我知道

你的快乐 并不是因为有我的存在
你的悲伤 并不是因为有我的存在

那 我存在的时候 你有些什么呢?

我存在的时候 你有的是反感
我存在的时候 你有的是烦恼

我们就好像两条平行线
无论我多努力的想要在你的线上交叉
可是 我还是改变不了事实
我们就是两条parallel lines

就像
无论我多努力的
想要在你的生活上刮上一脚
无论我多努力的
想要你的快乐是因为有我
无论我多努力的
想要你有待在我身边的冲动
但
你还是游走了
你就像湿漉漉的鳗鱼
我想抓 也 抓不住

你 可以告诉我
我 应该怎么做吗?

下一步,该怎么走?

2011/03/05

我

终于 我又上来了
除了帮我的这个家吸吸尘 打打扫扫
还是想在这里分享一些事

482天了
可是中间有三四十天是假的
没关系
我们还是习惯性把11月8日当作我们的anniversary

482天了
这段时间里面
有酸 有苦 有甜
有欢笑 也有泪水
前几天 我睡不着
我回想这段日子发生过的事
不幸的 我哭了

她说 我哭了 是因为我受了很大的委屈
我说 我哭了 是真的痛了
我真的不知道这一年多我是怎么熬过来的
我只知道 这段时间里 我的思想改变了许多
我变得不像我 我讨厌这样的我
很懦弱 很没用

以前的我 脾气很暴躁
从来只有别人容忍我 让我
但 原来这段时间
我学会了如何 忍气吞声
学会了如何 视而不见
学会了如何 逃避现实
学会了如何 包容一个人
更学会了如何 帮别人给借口自己 让自己好过一点

但也从这里 我知道
他 已经融进了我的世界
让我觉得 放弃了他 就等于放弃了自己
我习惯有他 虽然他真的很少出现在我生活了
但我就是习惯有个这样的人
就像人习惯了呼吸 也需要呼吸
呼吸停了 人就走了

我不知道我还能当多久的鸵鸟
我不知道我几时才肯面对事实
她说的没错

有时候
哭泣不是因为难过
有一些东西错过了
就一辈子错过了
人是会变的
守住一个不变的承诺
却守不住一颗善变的心

有时候执着是一种负担
放弃是一种解脱
人没有完美
幸福没有一百分
知道自己没有能力一次拥有那么多
也没有权力要求那么多
否则苦了自己、也为难了对方

我知道
你们说的我都知道
可是我没能做到
对你们 我只有诚心抱歉
对自己 我只有无言

我到底几时才开窍了?
叶家妃
接受事实吧!

2011/02/16

=(

我不喜欢现在的情况
但我选择了放弃改变
就这样。




放弃了 一切都结束了... =(

2011/01/20

天不从人愿

有时候 当天不从人愿时
我们应该怎么办呢?
敞开心胸接受?
还是坚持奋斗下去呢?

我不晓得
但
我会试着接受




就这样。

2011/01/18

short post

okays,
let's have a short post after 3 weeks school life..

i tried my best to finish all the homework by that days..
at first, i thought that i really can make it,
but now i only realized that there are some factors behind that i can't get through it.
negative spirit make me moodless and "asking" me not to do so,
i just wanna sleep and sleep..

honestly,
i am afraid to be alone at night, a silent night,
my mind just can't stop figure out some negative issues,
transmitting negative energy from brain to my whole body,
and makes me feel like i am just a soul that failed to control myself.
i need someone accompany but i always failed to meet the right person.
perhaps i should try my best once again to control myself,
or find a right way to express my pressure, feeling and negative spirit out.
i just don't know which one is the best way.

okays,
let's take a deep breathe,
life must go on,
everything will be alright, isn't?
i am trying to giving myself some positive encouragement =)
i know i can make it!
gambateh!

2011/01/02

给你的忠告

这篇部落格 我写了又删 删了又写

最后

我只想写几个字



伴君如伴虎 你好自为之吧!

2010/12/22

life

it's has been long times i didn't blog about my life. Perhaps I am still alive x.x
i planned to change my blog skin but i forgot the skin websites.
i would like to have a plain white blog skin with a meaningful picture on it. but i failed.
it's okays. i am not rushing for it right?

i am busy recently. of course, i am busy with my jobs.
i am having 2 jobs in the same times.
morning until evening i working at pelangi publisher factory and yet i working with my parents at night.
lots of things that i haven't do, lots of planning that i failed to complete, and in the others hand the time had flow in light speed.
perhaps i know magic. perhaps i have 48 hours per days so that i can do what i want.
what to do? life is so imperfect. what i can do is keep encourage myself. "though life is overrated, i gotta work my way out to make it", right?

so here is a conclusion of my life,

i am a bee X.x

2010/12/03

=]

god,
can you spare me strength?
I'm so tired now..

why do everyone put me aeroplane?
say going but not going at last?
why?
just because of i am not belongs to that gang?
just because of i don't have many friends?
i don't understand.
i really don't understand.
what the holy shit inside those people's brain?
it's suck!

but nevermind,
i'm sure that one days you all will having the same condition with me..
that is what people always said "风水轮流转"..
so just let me wait for the days..
and,
please remember how u all treat me in this period,
dun blame me if i treat u the same way,
and better don't make me laugh at you..

anyways,
this is the last time i organizing trip,
next time,
don't ever find me to help you all planning any outing and trip again,
i just hope that u all can learn the lesson i learning..
after that think back how u treat me,
and think back should you all treat people like that,
so you will know what should do..

right? =]

2010/11/24

Insomnia..

I am insomnia again =x
Ok. Take it easy babe..
Try to find something to do..
Hmp....
Let's blog about my feeling about these few days.

As usual,
I woke up around 11am,
After brush teeth and breakfast time,
On facebook and msn,
If nothing special I'll on tv or watch movies..

Today,
My dad woke me up around 9am,
He brings us out to breakfast,
Planed to my uncle's house after buying those ingredient for my dad's business at Selayang,
But failed to do so, my dad decided to go home..
We lost our ways during the journey,
Finally, we found our ways when we saw MidValley Megamall..
My dad suggested to have a walk in MidValley,
We were windows shopping along and took our lunch at KFC..
Then, we went home.

I open facebook again when I reached home..
Saw some articles that about couples activities..
I found him in my mind indeed when I was reading the articles.
I felt sad and I missed him.
It was a hard feeling. It's pain.
I told myself thousand times, he is no longer belongs to me but I just can't put down him.
He will flash out my mind when I read or touch or went or doing anythings or any places that related to him.
Is I myself to break up with him so I shouldn't have these kind of responses when I was in the circumstances.
Perhaps I need times. Perhaps it will just take a short period for putting him down.
May times can cure everythings =(

I having some problems with home.
I just can't communicate nicely with them recently.
Don't try to get any reason from me on these problems.
Because I myself have no idea on that.
Hopes I can settle it as soon as possible.

Loneliness appeared again.
Where can I find an ear? A shoulder?
Who can I call in this late night to share my feeling with him/her?
It's hurt when I found nobody.
Maybe I should enjoy the loneliness?
Oh gosh!
You are appearing in my mind now again.
Arghhh! Help!!
I knew I can't call you. I knew I shouldn't do that. :'(

I knew you will having your final exam next week.
All the best ya =p

Goodnight everyone..

2010/11/20

to you

别伤害自己

你最近的生活应该不错吧

加油吧!

2010/11/16

失眠的夜

2010年11月16日

这个夜晚 我失眠了
不知道为什么
我头脑总是分泌出一些人的影子
和一些跟他们曾经经历过的事

我想起了他
这几天都想起了他
每当晚上回房间睡觉时
一闭上眼他的一切就会浮现
好几个晚上 都是他陪我入眠的
甚至发梦也会梦见他

但是在现实生活中
我很想靠近他 可是我就停滞不前
我怕而且忧虑着很多事
我怕 我一往前他就退后
我怕 他会推开我
我怕 我们因此再也不是朋友
我怕 我们不适合
我怕 我们都被时间错过了
我怕 我是因为寂寞所以才找上他
我更怕 我会伤害到另一个她
我有太多无法确定的因素了
我也担心事后的结果并不天从人愿
我不敢告诉任何人
因为被牵连的 实在太多了
不说出来 或许 是一个更好的选择

我很乱
我不懂该怎么做
顺其自然 结果会否像我期望的一样?
努力去争取 会否得不到我想要的?
毕竟我跟他好不容易才和好
跟她更是多年好友
我并不想失去这一切

不过
事实摆在眼前
目前我能够做的
也只是扮演好朋友的角色
一步一步来
其他的都不去想了

一切就听天由命吧!
加油!

2010/11/13

Random post..

2.53am
I will remember this moment..
The moment I miss you badly..
I saw the blog I wrote about you before..
I found that the memory between us was sweet..
You are the one who treat me most sincerely and most protect me..
How good if we can back to the pass..
So that I can cherish you again..
I promise if I am given the chance, I will treat you the best I can..

But,
I should Figure out the feeling in my heart.
Do the feeling pop out when I am lonely?
Or I really fall in love with you in the second time?
Do we suitable to be couple again?
Erm, the best way to investigate is we separate for a period of time..
Right?

Pray hard to Lord..
A-men

2010/10/27

氧化

今天的心情很奇怪
不懂正确的方向在哪

此刻希望身边是你
但 只有那无味无色的空气在弥漫着

想打给你 按好了号码 却没勇气按下拨通键
不想打扰你 不想烦着你

最近多了很多习惯
习惯把自己的烦恼心情隐藏起来
习惯了我们这种沟通方式

我不喜欢这样
可是我知道我没办法选择

逆来顺受
是我今天想表达的

我不知道你有没有上来看
我不知道你到底懂不懂我的心情
我不想懂这个答案

我们的感情 氧化了吗?

2010/10/26

保险期

还在深宵k书着,
此刻手在键盘 眼在荧幕 耳在988..

最近真的很逊哦
我真的好久好久没写些很感性的东西
没记错的话大概有一年多的时间了

刚看了988DJ 欣怡的部落格
突然有股冲动 有股感性的心情
想写写自己的心情
可登入了部落格以后
那些感觉全军覆没了
呼~~ 算了呗!
做人要看开点嘛~ 这样日子才容易过 ^.^v

不过话说回来
我真的有段很长的时间没写了
最近的文笔有点生锈了
每每当我自己责怪自己的时候
就会有个想法帮自己逃离
不断地告诉自己 感觉真的在酝酿着
可是这煲汤也未免煲太久了吧!
纳闷~ >.<

刚才在欣怡的部落格里看到这么的一句话
"如果单纯不要刻意保鲜,是否会被生命氧化?"
这句话有在我心里回荡了一下下,
如果我们不要刻意地保鲜,会否让另一样东西给氧化掉?
那么爱情呢?
很多人都把爱情用保鲜纸给系上,希望爱情可以长跑..
可是勉强地贴上保鲜纸,意义还存在吗?
但我们人往往就是这样,也许是习惯吧!
但如果我能选一样来豁免保鲜期的存在,我会选择人的想法..
在我的角度里,随着人的年龄逐渐增长,想法也要越来越成熟吧!
当我用理性思考时,心灵就会平静下来,
清晰的头脑,可以帮助我分析什么是该做的什么是不该做的..
人长大了,想法应该也要到达那种年龄层吧!
或许是自己一厢情愿的想法,可我不觉得这有什么不好的 =]

988电台也进入没DJ的时段,
看看时钟也已进入2010年10月26日的第2个小时了..
心情已调节好,study mood也回来了~
加油吧!

2010/10/25

encouragement

It's me again..
I'm run out of study mood..
I'm desperate for someone's encouragement..
but i feel sad with the feedback..

All the times,
I was the one who keep encourage myself when i facing difficulties..
Unfortunately, I am not god..
I will moody like what I having now..

What to do?
I just can maintain the situation..
Encourage myself for the exam..

Let's have a deep breathe,
close up your eyes,
relax your mind,
tell yourself that you sure can,
1 2 3
open your eyes and study..

Jia you! If you think you can, you can make the different!

Quote of today: Positive spirit is the best weapon to achieve the goals..

2010/10/22

renew~

it's 11.44pm now...
i'm sitting in front of com...
things keep crossing my mind so sudden..
i just couldn't escape from it..

i wondering why problems won't stop for a while..
everyday every moment the problems will come and knock my door..
after i solved them, another will come..
it's just like a non-stop circle..
keep turning around me..

concert planning,
exam revision,
job vacancy,
income,
phone,
electric guitar,
oh gosh!
i hope i can run away from all of these..

when can i owe a new phone?
i really desperate for it..
but i know that it will be a long period for my next phone..
i knew that i should cherish for what i owe now..
at least the situation isn't worst until i have no phone to use..
but, i still hope that i can owe a new phone with camera function...
aimed Sony Ericsson Aino for it's 8.1 megapixel camera...

okie..
exam just passed 1 week with 10 papers...
still got 2 more weeks to go..
hopefully everythings will be fine..
must pray hard to god le..

i thought about my future..
finally, i had change my mind..
but i still struggle between business admin, accounting, banking and finance with mass com..
maybe i shouldn't think about so far for now..
anyways, i had made up my mind..
form 4 --> form 5 --> matriculation --> university
if possible i hope to study at oversea..
scholarship is the key to success because i knew that my dad had no money to spend on my study..
so i just can continue with scholarship that i have to achieve by my own self..
i like matriculation just because their system..
they seperate into few sem so that i can study seperately..
it's a tough work if u having final exam with the whole thick textbook like form 6..

okie..
it's the time to bed..
flu is visiting me..
better have a good rest now and start my study's engine later on 5am...
gambateh every candidates of the stupid final exam...
next week is the toughest week but after that we are free!
so be patient for the coming holiday~


Quote for today: life is easier with happiness, aren't?

2010/10/17

break

wait...
first of all, i hope i can take a deep breathe..
huu~ ok...
i m taking a break from sejarah and bm revision now..
and it's a right time to blog..

i didn't went to work this two days..
actually i felt guilty of this..
because i knew that my dad needs me for his business due to i had a long time din help him when i was traveling at Sabah...
haiz.. i knew this is out of my possibility..
if i given a chance, i hope i can separate myself at once so that i can help my dad and study for exam in a meantime.
it's jz a dream. i knew it.

i m lack of times...
i m the one who cause this problem happened.
my rational told me to study as much as i can, but my laziness told me not to touch books.
obviously, my laziness won the match.
i got do revision, but most of times i waste it with sleep and dreaming.
okays, i accept the truth. i will try my best, no worries k?

countdown: 22 days~

听君一席话

刚刚跟我哥聊了聊
我们说到人的脑和人的心

他说的很对
我很赞同

:"某某某很聪明又如何?人的心最重要,如果人的心无法控制大脑,几聪明也是假的..."

:"就像爱因斯坦,他的智商200,人人都说他很聪明,就连他死了科学家也拿他的脑来研究,研究他为什么这么聪明。可是实际上是他的聪明帮助他得到一切的吗?不。他也是经过无数次的失败才有今天的成就,而成就他的就是他的心,他的毅力,他的坚持。所以说,一个人如果不能接受失败,从失败中学习,坚持到底,即使给他再高的天资智商也没有用。"

:"一个人的心态很重要,就像你有一把刀,如果你的心态正确,你就会拿刀来帮助你做切割工作,如果你心态不正确,你就会拿刀杀人,一样的道理。"

:"考试成绩不好没关系,就重要是你的心态要正确,要问心无愧。尽力了就好,千万不要放弃。只要不放弃,你还有机会达到目的,一旦你认输了,你就在也没有机会获得成功。"


听君一席话,胜读十年书。
我赞同我哥所说的。
只要我不放弃,就还有成功的希望。
心态真的很重要,是决定一切的关键。
加油吧!叶家妃!

2010/10/04

懊恼_ing

最近心情乱糟糟的
前一阵子跟他有点问题
然后学会又有点问题要处理 要面对
我整个人都垮了

虽然大部分的问题都解决了
可是我心情还是一样
我无法专注在课本上
怎么办?
死期就要到了
唉~

我可以杀掉我自己吗?
懊恼_ing~

2010/09/27

Oops!

你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他有那么好
你说会懂我的失落
不是靠宽容
就能够解脱
我以为
我出现的时候刚好
你和他正说要分开
我以为你
已对他不再期待
不纵容他再给你伤害

我以为我的温柔
能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生

我以为终究
你会慢慢明白
他的心不在你身上
我的关心
你依然无动于衷
我的以为只是我以为

我以为我的温柔
能给你整个宇宙
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生
他让你红了眼眶
你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好
你要留在谁身旁
我以为我够坚强
却一天天地失望
少给我一点希望
希望就不是奢望
却输得那呢绝望 



Based on her situation and this song,
the feeling that I kept deeply inside my heart fade out again..
I duno wat happen to me..
I thought I m d kept it well..
I thought I d nth..
I thought I d forgot the feeling..
Lord, I hope that it is jz a dream..
Jz a small period of thinking nonsense..
I hope hat this wun affect me n him..
I hope that lord can gv me strength to differentiate reality n dream..
He, was jz a pass..
Jf, is my choice now..
I love him..
I do meant it..